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My vision is to create a business from my garden, so that I can afford to leave my job, have the garden as income, and paint and write. I also want my customers to read the story of my garden, look at pictures, and get an idea of the process of the work of the garden.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Can someone tell me how to fix the huge space that occurs either before my post or after?

Merry Merry to all!

I have secured a long-term temporary job for a few months, and have found the company to be a very pleasant place to work. I don't like the commute--it is in congested, fast traffic, but I am grateful to have the job. It gives me a bit more breathing space, and I need that right now.

Unemployment came through and sent me all the checks it had been withholding--so that increases the breathing space. Whew!

We have started a few processes--looking into selling some of our land--and finding out if we can do that from the township--and of course, if the neighbor is really interested in purchasing the land.

We are also looking into selling the whole place--at least starting to talk with realtors to find out what the current prices are for comparable properties in the neighborhood. All of this is very challenging for me. We are talking with friends, and others who can help guide us through some very tricky processes.

It's challenging in the letting go part also. So much to let go of. Visions, dreams, fears, all to let go of. Old visions will turn into new ones, I am told. We will all lose everyone and everything in the end, but the process of letting go does not come easy. One day at a time, I will try each day to live in the moment, to cherish the moment, to pray to be guided to know what is the best, and to be able to let go, and trust in the goodness of the future. Not to fall into fear, anxiety, and dread, and loss.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

A little bit of time has gone by since my last post, and I still have not found work. I am sending out letters and resumes now, but so far, no work. Tomorrow I will call temp agencies, and see if I can work this week. If nothing materializes, I will continue to do as I have been. Unemployment is making a decision this week as to whether I will be able to get some money from them.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Well, my intuition was right. The new employer let me go this week. I was on a freelance basis with them for the time being, and they were treating it as a very long interview for a full-time job. I worked very hard there, but it wasn't enough. I brought a bunch of skills to them that they wanted, and for two or three of those skills, they were very happy, but the other, which was proofreading, they concluded that I was not up to the job.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, who knows, the proofreading was the critical skill for them, even though I told them I had never been a primary proofreader in a job, always working with others, and this time the workload was greater than I have ever experienced, and I made too many mistakes.

C'est la vie. I am looking for other work now, and I hope they pay me for the last seven days I worked for them. I saw a pattern there of the president declaring that she wasn't going to pay this freelancer or that one, because they screwed up. I talked to a friend yesterday about that, and she suggested I send them an invoice. I will do that.

For the moment I have no income. Unemployment was cut off, but I will call them tomorrow to see if I can reopen my claim from May.

I told my husband that I am ready to let go of our property. He is ill, and I am not able to take care of the place at all if I am out of the house for ten hours each day. We have no little children, so there is no need for me to work to support a mortgage, and still remain totally house-poor.

I intend to paint, and work part time or freelance, and he has his social security, and I told him I would live in a trailer if I could find a studio in which to paint. He doesn't want that, but he agrees that this place is too much for us now.

We took a step today that is important, and called a lawyer about drawing up wills for us. So we got the information together and will get it to him tomorrow. I feel the need to clean up, throw out, have a barn sale, get ready for another role in our lives. My AA sponsor wants us to meet with two people she thinks can help us, how I don't know. We have to investigate whether we can even sell some of our land, as there are issues involved that we need to find out about. Also, if we can sell the barn with some land on that side of the house. Otherwise, we will have to put up the house for sale. This is really the closest I have come to surrendering to this in the nine years we have been here. I am grieving this loss, as I love this place, but it too much for me to take care of and pay for staying here, and I don't have time to paint.

I am ready to move.

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